The United States needs to reevaluate what drugs are and aren’t. We have a widely used drug that is greatly experimented by high schoolers and college students that is tremendously addictive. The side effects of this drug are heart attacks, nausea and vomiting, breathing problems, inability to sleep, bleeding disorders, uncontrollable shaking, anxiety, death, the list goes on. The drug we are talking about today is caffeine. Or as the cool kids call it, java, Red Bull, Starbucks and the bean.
Caffeine is one of the world’s most readily available drugs on the market, and it’s cheap, too. You literally could walk right out of your house and see a new coffee shop randomly popping up. The rate they pop up is worse than acne. The problem with caffeine is that it is so easily obtainable and you don’t need to be a certain age to buy it. You can have a six year old go into any coffee shop and order a coffee with an extra shot of espresso and they can get it. It’s kind of like a PG-13 movie where it isn’t recommend for a six year old but the guy making minimum wage doesn’t care enough to say “Yeah, this is a bad idea. You shouldn’t be doing that.” Drinking caffeine while pregnant can cause premature birth, miscarriages and birth defects. Those are similar effects as to doing crack cocaine. The similarities to crack doesn’t stop there, I had three people who regularly use caffeine to attempt to stop for one day and these are the results. One person experienced a shaking sensation, another one had severe migraines all day and the last person couldn’t do it, broke down and drank coffee. All participants felt irritable and anxious while they weren’t drinking caffeine. If you are unaware, those are the same symptoms that people going through withdrawal suffer from heroin.
Some of you are probably regretting the first cup of coffee you’ve ever had right now, but that’s not necessarily the case. Caffeine is in everything from beverages, gum, candy, medicine, ice cream and chocolate. You can actually go to your local store and while you’re buying the morning after pill, you can also get your pill that’s stuffed with caffeine. Most people who consume caffeine can feel a euphoric state, which explains why it is a common ingredient in ecstasy. Side effects of ecstasy are– you guessed it– heart attacks, nausea and vomiting; breathing problems, inability to sleep, bleeding disorders, uncontrollable shaking, anxiety, and death. When your kid is asking for more ice cream, just give them some ecstasy because that’s what they really want. Give your daughter, Molly, some molly so she can party like Miley. Some countries are already taking an initiative with caffeine consumption around kids.
In the UK, daycares are making parents stay in a different room, where the kids cannot watch them consume caffeine and coffee. That isn’t fake that is a real story. Mirror.co.uk released a story on May 2, 2012 regarding parents drinking coffee around their kids and the parents angrily responded by calling it ludicrous, patronizing and more dangerous to leave their kid unattended then having them watch them sip a Starbucks. People have also been using caffeine as a performance enhancing drug. College students are cramming in as much caffeine as they are algebra to help them study and it doesn’t stop there; Athletes are using caffeine to help enhance their performance ability during the Olympics. We need to stop worrying about Michael Phelps’s DUI, and concern ourselves more with how the hell Usain Bolt move his legs that fast. Caffeine isn’t a banned drug by the Olympics either. You think a drug that gives a euphoric state, increases concentration, increases blood flow and is highly addictive would be illegal but it’s not. The problem is we can’t illegalize it. If we were to look back at the prohibition era in the United States, a time where alcohol was illegal, people were still making illegal alcohol. The problem with this was it was unregulated so there was no say in what percentage of alcohol in a drink is too much. If you think Fireball is hard to drink try drinking something closer to the alcohol content of rubbing alcohol (I do not advise drinking rubbing alcohol). I spoke with Chris Wallis, a former Freelance Multimedia Professional who dealt with groups about legalizing marijuana, when asked “Should caffeine be made illegal?” he boldly responded, “Absolutely not! Education is the biggest factor to American drug usage. When people don’t know about the side effects of a drug it is detrimental. Caffeine education should happen as much as any other education of any other drug.” We, at Fabricated Facts, agree with this claim. If alcohol, a legal drug, is taught about in classes as a dangerous, addictive drug, then so should caffeine. (Comments, questions or concerns please contact the writer of Fabricated Facts at firstname.lastname@example.org)